Andrew knew what alcohol was doing to his body, but he drank more and more to mask his PTSD. It was only when he was admitted to hospital with cirrhosis and malnutrition that he realised he had to stop drinking. Thank you for sharing your story, Andrew
I started off drinking socially, but didn’t realise I was also suffering with PTSD and drank more to mask it. Every day I would drink half-a-litre of gin, then have a couple of pints at the pub. Alcohol numbs things for two or three hours, but the next day is worse and you think the only way back from that is to have another drink.
When the pandemic hit I slipped into drinking earlier and earlier in the day. I used to start at 6pm, then 4pm and that meant drinking from 2pm didn’t feel like such a big jump. Then 2pm became midday and I still didn’t think it was too bad, but it was actually six hours earlier.
I knew what it was doing to me, but I just pushed that to the side until I ended up in hospital with malnutrition. I already had a weakened immune system due to chronic lymphocytic leukaemia and by October 2023 I was feeling very ill with no appetite or energy. When I fell at home and hurt my knee a doctor came and did some blood tests and I got a phone call later that day saying I needed to go to hospital because my kidneys weren’t working.
I went to A&E where they diagnosed the kidney injury and after three or four hours I started to get very hot. I tried to go to the toilet standing up but couldn’t. I was admitted and two or three days later I went a very strange colour, started to hallucinate and couldn’t move my legs.
There’s such a stigma around alcohol so people don’t open up about it, but I told the medical staff that I drink every day – there’s no point lying about it. I was diagnosed with alcohol related liver disease and cirrhosis, and as well as steroids, I was prescribed tablets that stop people who drink from having a seizure. I spent about nine days on a drip, was given thiamin and calcium for my malnutrition and put on a refeeding programme. I kept being told it was worse than they had first thought and if I caught an infection I could go downhill within two hours.
With the help of my wife I sort of got the use of my legs back and told the liver specialist I would stop drinking, it was as simple as that. She replied: “Well, it’s all right saying that within these four walls, but what matters is when you get out”. She put me in touch with AA, but I didn’t use them – I was determined to stop drinking and did it without any help. It’s very hard habit to break though, so I understand why some people can’t.
I might have originally been misdiagnosed with cirrhosis, but I still have regular blood tests and am on the HCC monitoring programme
I was supposed to see my consultant ten weeks after coming out of hospital, but it ended up being ten months because of the state of the NHS. She couldn’t believe the change in me because I was no longer drinking and eating very healthily. She said that if she could have a poster up of me she would, because they see a lot of people going back in all the time. When I had a FibroScan in July 2024 they had to do it twice because there was no scarring on my liver and they couldn’t believe it. They thought I might have originally been misdiagnosed with cirrhosis, but I still have regular blood tests and am on the HCC monitoring programme. I’m waiting for the results of an ultrasound and don’t have varices.
To help with the post-traumatic stress disorder I had 20 weeks of CBT and it was great. The first ten weeks were quite hard and you don’t think it’s going to work, but it does. It’s now more than 400 days since I last had a drink. It wasn’t easy at the beginning, but I think that was more because everyone around me was drinking. Being sober is not boring and the thought of having a hangover now is just terrible.
There’s definitely more to life than alcohol. For some people alcohol is their life, but it’s no kind of life. When you’re trapped in that you think there’s nothing else, but no one drinks a whole bottle of whiskey for the fun. If you recognise why you drink, the chances of stopping are a lot higher.
